Have meeting today about my case and the right to live.
Somebody has not granted me the right to live free.
I understand the army in Norway has done me something.
tirsdag 22. november 2016
mandag 21. november 2016
tirsdag 15. november 2016
I Know Something
I know i am stalked.
I have had some bright ideas and it has concerned not by my will, but high up in the system.
I googled myself and the map to show where i am located.
It showed up with a firm and earlier it has showed up with another firm.
I know it is possible to hack a mobile phone and i have been in trouble not getting the help i should have gotten.
I am on anti depressive and it works very good.
I recommend people suffering from depression to take prescribed drugs from doctor.
Sometimes medication is needed, and i asked for it myself.
It lightened my day and i am myself again.
I have been today and looked on an apartment to rent.
It was very kind people and a good place to live.
I hope i get the apartment.
I have innovative ideas and know they are good and working.
Do not give up on yourself no matter what state you are in.
Life can change and sometimes change post code.
New places can bring you new life.
I have a very kind mission to the place i move to.
To feel home and secure and have place for my son when he is home on vacation.
New possibilities lies in front of me to get a social life and it got me to discover reality that i am not alone suffering.
torsdag 10. november 2016
onsdag 9. november 2016
A New Day
I have been struggling a lot lately, the honest truth is that i have struggled for over two years with a post traumatic depression of all i have been through.
I have been suicidal and had very low energy.
I asked the doctor after a very hard time,
Actually my life`s hardest time.
I have never suffered so much and wanted to leave all behind.
It has been a game, and i asked the doctor for anti depressive medication.
I got it after some weeks waiting.
It is the drug " Remeron " and it works like magic on me.
It has just been a few days and i feel a lot better.
Tonight i am all me again.
I have needed help for the housework, but now i manage it on my own.
I have tidied up the whole house and had a great time with the kittens.
I got also interested in clothing again and bought some clothes online.
I have a good time.
lørdag 5. november 2016
fredag 4. november 2016
torsdag 3. november 2016
I Found Ted
Ted disappeared when i was hospitalized. We thought a eagle had taken him and i have been in grieve over that my kindest cat ever has been gone.
Yesterday i heard a voice : " Go to the barn and find Ted ".
I went there right away and heard him crying in anxiety.
I found him in an open dropping pit.
He was in terrible shape.
The owner of the farm helped me to get him up from the dropping pit with a ladder.
I was so relieved and happy, but cried for Ted being in so bad shape.
He was kind the whole time and cosy and happy with me and also the psychiatric team coming here to look after me.
I called the vet and they wanted to take him in today.
But as the evening went on i could not manage to bath him and he had lost fur on his legs standing in water for nearly 14 days.
I went to a vet that has opening times in the evenings.
She saw how terrible shape he was and is not sure if he will make it through.
But she sendt him home with me after examining him and given him a bath.
We got antibiotics and special diet food for him.
I have cared for him and given him food and slept beside him.
Ted is extremly kind and makes cosy notices and wants to stay beside me all the time.
Somebody had heard him without doing anything.
The vet said : " This is a fighter, he wants to live, so we let him. "
onsdag 2. november 2016
When Heroes Are Not Heroes
I was born on a little island connected to three other islands.
Here i have lived my life in joy and peace.
I have not done much out of my life, except educating me as a nurse.
I worked for some years and saw that the health care money did not provide enough to give the best care possible and i got into a depression. I got hospitalized in the psychiatric field and had to go out of work after a while.
I spent my time being a mother, and that was what i loved the most.
You are often good at what you love the most.
I have lived peacefully and have not interfered with many people the last years.
Until 2012.
My son was then a grown up and i got into hospitalization and got very bad treatment.
Isolation for nearly three years.
I still wonder why ?
Something happen to you after three years without connection to the outer world.
My father died last year, and my grandma in January this year.
I walk the cemeteries and get in grieve over people i know being gone away without me knowing. It is like small shocks i have to except fast and lay away, to survive.
I am in a post depression after all i have been through.
You grow up and experience heroes in many fields of the system.
Helth Care, Police and The Army.
Also the King and the Government.
And finds out...
that they are not heroes.
The true heroes is the once suffering beside you.
Patients that are in problems that still has something to give, and save you're life.
There is a way people revile themselves in though times.
My strength is that i love still.
I feel love.
For my son, my cat, my bird and the horses.
And also patients that suffers beyond the knowledge known to the common man or King.
You grow up with a believe that the system will save you.
To a better life.
The truth is something different.
I slowly die of medication that i dont can take of severe side effects.
I have been an athlete and can now hardly walk to the beach where i live.
But people do show up and become heroes.
People you neve thought had the courage to be a hero.
The family renting me a farm are heroes.
They tell me about reality.
But they it is not in they`re hands to save me out of the system.
But they show me courage and the will to go on.
When the ones you have looked on as heroes breaks you down,
and it cost the society more money than what i had earned as a nurse.
Why they keep me down i dont know ?
I ask that question all the time.
Dreams within dreams is that i wanted to work with IT and computing and owned a lot of good domains and had innovative ideas.
They could have been something.
But it is not the most important thing.
It is my son.
And the patients.
I have written a novel about making it through and make the best out of what you have.
Even though it is not much.
But it is possible to live even in great suffering.
You show who you are...
I showed myself in getting an overdose medication that nearly killed me.
I did not get mad.
I reacted not normal i think, but with kindness and understanding, but with suspicion, because something happened before i got the overdose.
Also my neck is ruined and it is in bad shape.
I got the form from the doctor yesterday. It has been hidden for over a year.
I can probably not ride more in my life.
It has costed over 50 million Norwegian Krone to get me into a bad health and poverty.
It has costed more treating me than what i would have earned as a professional nurse.
I am in a mental game. Where people play without no reason in what they are doing.
I know for what.
But can't write it here.
I write it in the book.
I hope to live for some more years.
I am innocent in what has happened.
The truth start to revile itself.
I Love All And Is Very Kind Handling It All
Phone Call from someone connected to the army.
I read all the epikrise i got from the doctor today.
My neck is in severe condition and is nearly ruined.
I read it on the phone.
And the one i was talking to mentioned a nurse that has copied me and a lot more.
I did not mention her and understand that she does something.
Police should have saved me.
I can't take so much more and understand they have ruined my life.
Mental tricks and manipulation.
Someone is on the phone.
Please be with me in all this happening.
God Bless You.
Buster Saves My Life
I had meeting today with a treatment team.
The doctor was with them to discuss my medication.
Buster was together with me the whole time.
He has been the most afraid and paranoid kitten i have ever seen.
But he was brave and sat together with me the whole time.
Buster is kind.
He is called Buster so no one shall be afraid of ghostbuster.
There was discussion with the doctor about my medication and Buster lay in my arms and was peaceful and loved me.
The doctor realized that i am not agitated when i am upset and that the cat is not scared of me upset and a little bit angry.
The humour in this is that the cat is not afraid of anything.
I get hospitalized next week to get care when i start up on anti depressive medication and go down on neuroleptic.
Buster saved me and is the safest cat.
Cats are angels.
Safe and tired.
But hold on with Buster saving my life to new possibilities.
It was discussed further education of me with the doctor with hope.
tirsdag 1. november 2016
Something Has Happened And I am Still Here
Somebody knows that i am in danger.
I got overdose medication on the hospital starting on a new medication.
I am on depot injection with Trilafon and was given by a nurse 25 mg Abilify.
I reacted to that. And had not been given information about how many mg i should take by the doctor.
I saied : " Are you sure this is the right dose ? "
She said : " Yes, it is 25 mg, one tablett 10 mg and one tablett 15 mg. "
I took the dose and had witness in my mother that i took this dose, she was there.
I got very sedated and went early to bed.
I woke up 06:00 and went to get water, i was very thirsty.
I got blood pressure fall. And heard a voice from God to sit down and bend my head in front.
I did so and asked the nurses to measure my blood pressure.
It was 63/43.
I nearly died. It was probably lower at the instant of the first blood pressure fall.
I got home.
Tired and sedated by medication.
I was in meeting with the whole team treating me and the doctor did not reduce the dose trilafon witch make me suicidal of tiredness and a lot of side effects.
I got injection yesterday and i could hardly breathe in the evening.
I realize that i am very strong. But have not much more forces to go on.
It is depriving and hazard treatment of a kind human being.
I proved that i am not paranoid schizophrenic of the reaction on the overdose.
I reacted kind and peaceful, but was strict that a report had to be filed.
I have been for years playing tricks on and mental picture manipulation.
This also include that i got a meat sausage from someone to breakfast.
I got suicidal of the games and the tricks people play.
I am kind and has for years understood a lot.
I have been isolated for several years without communication to the outer world and given a lot of medication. In a medical research by medical students, i had 38 in rest pulse of medication.
It is a miracle that i am still alive.
I dont know how long more i will live.
I have reported to the police because nobody helps me fast enough. I have suffered for years.
They dont do anything and human rights have been broken in the health care system.
I should by the law have by nurses written individual nursing plan.
Nobody managed to do this and i wrote it myself.
But the thing is that they dont follow this up good enough.
My neck is injured by a head grip, that is illegal for some years ago.
They have been holding back information to me about the MR scan and also from my community doctor.
It is a seriously case and i am a nurse and have been very healthy and a strong loving mother.
I proved that i am kind by the overdose and things i have done for patients hospitalized.
I got home and got into a strict talk with someone about competitive behavior against me.
The person left my house while i sat in my living room.
My keys got away.
I knew i put them on the kitchen table.
They always lies there, because i have La Tour Eiffel on the keyring.
I am scared someone locks them into my house while i am sleeping.
I called someone today and there came up a message :
" The limit has gone to far. "
It could just be something that i dont understand in the digital world. I am not sure.
I did not got a phone call back from the person i called to.
I am in danger and know that little people help me.
I probably die soon of the treatment and all the tricks and manipulation.
Someone has reviewed that they play games with hiding cigarette packs in my flower jars.
It probably was ment kind. But i understand they know tricks.
Sleep well.
I have written a novel for holding on to God and survive for people in the psychiatric treatment.
There is a life for all of us.
You can follow me on Twitter : " Mentallitopia ".
There i try to take all with humor.
But i suffer a lot and have very little forces left and is not safe in Norway by all they have told about me.
I have been away for years and live very peaceful at a farm and has not talked to many people.
I understand by meeting friends from the past that they dont look me in the eyes.
I am kind and dont play games.
I try to tell a story of hope.
And fought a fight for people being suicidal.
May God bless you and be with you.
With all my love to a happy life to all mankind.
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