An everyday life in magic is formed by you're dreams - let them shine down from above and keep you in spirit by seeing that God want you to be loved and reach you're dreams.
I searched hospitalization this time to get secure and covered. But other things happened. I got more medication, but i have to say that a lot of people treated me kind.
But right before i left for home i discovered that my books was stolen. It was J K Rowling and her crime novel under the name Robert Galbraith, that is about the psychiatric treatment and a super model dying. I did not get to read the entire book and it is about talking about the psychiatric treatment.
They also stole this book :
The book is good and i have read it several of years ago.
The books is expensive and i dont have money right now to buy new ones.
They said that the books was not stolen.
But they are not in my suitcase and not at my home.
When I was isolated in 2012 and nearly for three years something happened.
You dont go to isolation like a kind Teddybear ( they are really the bravest ones - i bought me a teddybear that i talked to - it was really fun getting a teddybear with personality. )
I did a lot of things, just to keep the time going and hoping for freedom of life.
Silent cries was settled out during a lot of different treatment.
After a while of being MacGyver for a while i settled out to be a researcher, a little scientist put in a white room. I started to research on time and the hours in the watch to find a connection. I wrote it all down, and the study got stolen from me. Metallica has now produced a watch i will buy for my son and me soon. There is a lot in the world not researched on.
There is the discovery of the days, buy studying time and seize the day.
You find Metallicas watch under store in their homepage.
I also played DR. House MD and played it so well i got the same treatment as he did.
I really laughed, even though it hurted.
I have written all about my acting in isolation in a Novel on 543 pages and it is a story from real life never been told before. I say like Metallica : " Time Marches On " - everybody got a life and do the best out of it no matter where you are. Crazy or not Crazy - i am laughing right now.
In 2012 i was hospitalized with isolation and it was close to terror, they did not take me outside and i was heavily and very soon shifted in medication. They played hazards with my life.
The same time my mother worked for my health and got me to be tested under a psychiatric doctor that research in vitamins and food.
It was taken blood samples of me and sendt to USA.
I got so little information that i got paranoid and thought they sendt the blood samples to NASA, i was very weird and talked french and i laughed myself of anti depressive medication.
I got diagnosed with Overmethyldration in 2012 and no doctor has treated me for it. It is hope for me and i do get healthy again.
The doctor i have now said that i would never get well again and it is against the law to take away the hope for a patient. I wonder now : Who is the crazy ones ?
Friday i am going to another doctor that took away my diagnose and he will get me in contact with the doctor treating me for Overmethyldation.
I am so mad at doctors nearly taking all my life that i might sign them in to hospital with the law in a short while.
I have so much headache of the medication i get now that i dont sleep well at night.
I am very kind and is a nurse and never gave up.
A friend of mine was here today and she researched in everything for me because i was to slow to do it myself on medication.
I do get all healthy again, with other medications and diet and vitamin treatment.
Our history changes because of all the wars, terror, hunger and poverty.
It seems like the world does not react normal.
Refugees is in the mediterrainien ocean and it seems like the world forgets them.
Media presents different pictures of what is going on.
Much of the world is hidden for us regular citizens.
The people that react and fights for world peace, can become misunderstood and hospitalized.
The sane people can be seen on as something different.
Is anger always a negative thing ?
Sometimes you need to clear a line and show what you stand for.
I get medicated because of ideas and people i have been involved with, and it goes high up in the system. I will reveal it all in my second novel.
One novel is finished writing and is with publisher. It reveals a system with old believes in the psychiatric treatment. The world has changed a lot since the diagnose schizophrenia was created and so has the illness. I am for a system with no labels on patients, because if not found the right diagnose they can't medicate properly and it leads to severe side effects.
If the doctors not communicate with patients they dont get the right picture of the patients and not their right life story.
The real question is :
" Am i so insane that my doctors can medicate me with overdose medication ? "
Today I got signed out of hospital, i have nearly my freedom back, but have the psychiatry on visits a few times a week. Something that I really dont understand. All that is in my head right now is a puppy. I might buy a Flat Coated Retriever this summer. And it looks like we are in for a great summer here on the islands. The fresh ocean air and breeze welcomed me home. And I got happy after all. Surprisingly happy and found out that i dont ask for much in my life.
I have been to the doctor today and i am not happy with the treatment they give me. And it has to be room to listen to the patients and i told the doctor to treat the patients as equal to them and with respect. Doctors has laughed at me in pain. I have headache on the right side of the brain and behind the right eye. I take pills for this and is worried because i can't sleep good at nights. I went to MR after my mother called in to the hospital and told the doctors to look after me. The doctor told today that it was nothing to worry about, but they has sendt the MR pictures to Barcelona in Spain, and i am in Norway. It got me worried. I am kind and a bit slow in my thoughts. But after all this i was happy to come home to the farm and put on a washing machine with clothes and have coffee and lemonade.
I know that i might go in for my battle for life and find another way to heal than the regular terms by the doctors and the psychiatric treatment. I feel that my brain is a tension and i relate it to mental picture manipulation that many people do. I dont do this myself.
I will now relax on the farm and start to quit smoking and care about my son more than ever before. He is extremely kind and gives me comfort and hope.
I keep away from a lot of music today and relax in the sound of silence.
The honest truth is that the medication i take dont work well.
It is hard to get the doctors to understand this status facts.
I have severe side effects and have a head ache they dont take seriously. I am afraid that i might get a stroke soon. It works on the nervous system and i dont have good movements. The sense of the skin feeling when touching the skin is different and it hurts to blink the eyes.
I am about to take medication today. It is forced medication with injections and the honest truth is that i took volounterly medication by tablets and wanted to go on a lower dose. Even if i said so they took me on forced medication, and it is against the law.
I am working on a complain to the man in the norwegian department for peoples rights is to be held.
The doctors has broken the law and does not take good care of my health. It is against human rights. I need help, and have people in my family helping me. They have had enough of the treatment and work for better solutions for me, to get a good life.
I have studied the Mona Lisa for two years now, and she always impresses me.
A detail i have never heard before is that she has curls on the one side of her head, and not on the other side.
A face is not symmetric. We all look different when we cover one side of the face. Faced together with one side and use the same side on bought, we get two different faces.
I have not the equipment to do this work right now. But it had been great if someone did that. I dont think it has ever been done.
The camera came out with the photo on the same side, but it is really two different sides of the face. You got to excuse me not being the best with a camera.
But Leonardo da Vinci had succeeded in revealing more of the mystery with this painting on Mona Lisa.
It is hard times in the hospital, but i am on my way out.
When I break, i break into kindness and innovative new ideas.
If i had been working as a nurse, i had been working at the medical field.
I got an idea for several years ago, about a new ecg machine to find the heart rhythm better and more secure. Yesterday morning it developed into new born babies. I need them to be secure for a long and healthy life and have idea for a new ecg machine for new born babies.
It needs to be procedure to take ecg of children new born and a few times during the first year of life.
I am very kind and need someone to work with on the ideas.
I want the most loved ones to be secure and welcome into this world on the best and most secure way for new born and their family.
I have chronicle head ache and is worried about my mental physical health. I get medication and dont respond good on this physically. I have a lot of side effects.
But my mother has been in contact with other institutions and solutions.
I am having a really bad day and need to laugh but it is not easy.
I am on heavy medication and is blurred in my vision and have headache on the right siden of the brain. I am at home and try to find something to do.
A friend of mine comes over soon and i hope i can have a good talk with her.
The treatment of me has taken a lot of my power and i am exhausted and tired of people playing games with me. Either with words or in silence.
I can't understand health care workers that are not in for the best for the patients.
I am kind, but get frustrated over the treatment. It is just short walks and then the rest is to sit in a chair, watch tv or smoking and drinking coffee.
I am still in there and have started on a new book.
The first book is sendt to publisher and is on 543 pages.
I am taking a walk to the beach right now and will try to enjoy the weather.
Search " Fjellstua Wievpoint " - i can't get the page to lay out an link here. But i was there some weeks ago and it was a magnificent wiev over the west coast of Norway and the city of Aalesund.
I got an idea :
" What if they could start a hotel at the top of the mountain ? "
It would have been one of the greatest hotels in the world.
I designed it in my mind and present the idea here.
I am sure the owners of the restaurant and the wievpoint would easily get investors to build a hotel at the top of " Aksla Mountain. "
I told it to the leading doctor and she asked me to go to the owners to present the idea.
I saied : " If it is drawn by Snøhetta " - the same architectural bureau that drew the library in Alexandria ( it is Norwegian drawn ) it would have been one of the greatest hotels in the world.
I hope rumors get out and that the owners of Fjellstua can get to know that the idea came from me.
You can get very good ideas hospitalized and i am on my way out.
I have worried in silence of one of my favorite flowers.
The wild Liontooth that grows up from concrete and makes its way trough no matter what.
I have been worried for years that there has been so little of them on the islands i live.
But this year they grow in thousands out on the islands.
The Liontooth tells me a story that it is possible to grow in no matter what environment or shelter you are in. It is beautiful to see this wild flowers grow out from the concrete outside the farm house and it tells me that there is always hope and that new seasons sets in.
The spring 2002 i was hospitalized for three weeks because of a depression and over work as a nurse.
A work therapist presented me for " The Litle Prince ", because of my water colour paintings.
I never forgot this book and bought it the year after.
I have worked with a dream all the time since that day, because i understood the book.
That we adults never shall forget how it was to live in the adventurous childhood with real magic in life.
I understood that Antoine de Saint - Exupery waited for an answer.
A letter from someone that understood that the imagination is a universe created by the spirit in humans. The true magic is to be found in friends.
And i have that, and my son, that looked like an angel as a child with white curly hair.
I painted paintings to a world similar to the Litle Prince and waited for someone to understand. But no-one has done that, but a fellow patient understood this year.
The lines from being mental ill and with mental health is small.
The only thing i think of myself is that i think a bit different but not psychotic, but waiting that someone understands that people can believe that there is meaning in life and that God is up for surprises and humor.
The magic in life is created with daring to believe that there is a world of dreamt that can come true. I hope that everyone in the world is entitled to dream their own dreams, big or small and that they can have hope and faith in that they can achieve their dreams.
I will spend the day drawing and with my dream to a letter to Antoine de Saint Expert that i believe the Litle Prince has returned and understood the real magic in life.
In Norway there is a song from Alf Prøysen that is called :
" You shall have a day tomorrow that clean and unused stand. "
It is about drawing with white sheets what ever you want.
I draw this time hospitalized so they shall understand where i am in my mind. It helps.
Try to draw when you are in hospitalization to get them to understand that a drawing can get you're dreams back and yourself.
For a few minutes ago i got a phone call from the unit that they wanted to take me back to the unit.
I guess it was because of my blogging.
I can't understand that for revealing my own truth about my reality and free thinking and new ideas i should be held in a mental unit, that cost over 1000 usd a day to keep me there.
I dont need to pay for it my self.
In Norway there is freedom of speech and i can't understand the way they treat me.
I saied : " The deal was to fetch me here at 19:00 in the evening. "
I think i get closed inside a unit of writing in my blogg.
I get healed by staying at home and have a very good and proud day of my son making it through.
" New Ideas And Reality Is Created All The Time. "
I have been and is still in hospitalization but on my way out.
I have had chronicle head ace for some days and it relieves itself out here on the farm i live on. I have been with the horses today and they made cheerful sounds when i arrived with carrots to them.
Mental Picture Manipulation do exists, and should not occur in a hospital.
For my reality it should not existed at all. It deprives people for the free mind and spirit.
It can take people into a reality that makes mental illness.
I got an idea at once when i got mental picture manipulated :
A pair of glasses with video camera on, or photo camera to take pictures as proves on the people mental picture manipulation in the act of doing so.
I hope this glasses can be created for all, to also film and photograph the good stuff in life. To show how a person think and where the focus is.
Some people flow in their own reality, not discovered by health care workers that is narrow minded and do not really talk to patients, but treats after diagnosis.
I am not in the state of mind where they think i am.
I dream about a Lippizaner horse to be used as a therapeutic horse for healing traumas. This breed of horses is very stable, gentle and kind.
Today is a good day, but i am in sorrow and grieve. My father passed away last year and my grandmother for four months ago. There has been no time to really feel all about this because of hospitalization and medication of me.
There is no need for medication in natural sorrow and grieve. It is a natural side of life, talked very little about. We are thought to be happy and strong all the time, but sorrow and grieve meets everybody at one point of life.
It is hard, but the strength is to be found in acceptance and that there is a heaven above us.
Unpaid attention and denial of sorrow can send you into feelings you do not understand when they occur, but seen in the life afterwards, it can have been a natural reaction to sorrow.
There is no need to drug down people of sorrow and grieve.
What you need is someone to talk to.
A good friend, family or a professional health care worker.
The most mental illnesses starts with sorrow. Either loss of something in themselves, or in the family or friends. It can be hard to face all this feelings alone. But dont be afraid, you do recover.
I paint when i need to find myself, and i always pray when i paint. In the colors it is found that life and moment changes and it heals me.
Sorrow and grieve can stay with you for a long time. But every heart mends.
There is no need to stay down and be in the grieve forever. It is feelings that changes, and do good for yourself. Treat yourself kind. As you're own best friend.
But i chose to say : " Treat yourself like you're grandmother would have treated you. "
I am home today, and do not understand why they dont sign me out of the hospital.
It is a long story written in a novel i have finished and send to publisher today.
It is come to 543 pages and is a story about reality.
I am not schizophrenic but is scared over all they have done to me.
Some people are very kind.
I read the novel " Zero Options " by SAS - Agent Chris Ryan that writes about the reality in the world. It is an action novel. It is good and explaines a lot about the real world.
I am having coffee and cigarettes and try to find focus in that my son is coming home from the army today, and i will wash the house and make cake and good food that he loves.
My son was the best man in his troop on the 30 kilometer race with 11 kilos in weight on the back. He is safe and an extremely good man that saves his mother.
But in the way it should have been, we should not been involved in the things we are involved in.
Wait for my novel to understand that action and healing is everywhere.
