On The Edge

I have had hard days on the edge of life. I can't write it all down because it hurts to much. But i have been clicked in the head of people and played with.

I was so down that i decided to get hospitalized.

I did not really want to because they always keep me in for a long time.

I took on a MacGyver T- Shirt with the text :

" Phoenix Foundation - research and development " and a siluette of a seagull.

Under the text it stood : Macgyver .

The doctors and the nurses did not remove my shoe laces and not the glass from the unit. I could easily have letting go it all.

But i thought of my son and the cats and the bird at home.

It saved me.

But after the first night the doctors said i could be signed out. They had never seen me so well before.

I did not understand a clue and they gave me permission to stay for three days. I needed that.

But people played games with me and it hurted a lot.

I came home all empty and without any forces left.

I watched a comedy that saved me.

And the cats and the bird are nursing me now.

I have it better at home.

I dont understand all the psychiatric treatment when people dont realize how seriously problems can be. I fight on with no forces left. I just exist and let the time flow like a time in the space where there is little to do of tiredness of medication.

But the doctor treated me good.

He told me to say : " Say hello to Barack Obama from me. "

I laughed but really did not understand so much, but a lot of things in my life has happened.

I am kind. 

So kind that i feed butterflies.

Memories can save you and make you to remind you on the person you really are.

When people try to make you to something different.

I gave a butterfly honey for a while ago.

I will be up for more.

And tell people in psychiatric units :

" Be MacGyver "

and fight for you're right to live.

It can be hard when nearly no-one fights for you and you are alone.

But people and animals always love you.

Buster is more tame after i was away.

He has stayed inside with me all the time and he talks to me.

There is always hope in suffering, even though how hard it can be.

Yesterday was my hardest day ever.

But i hold on.

I was tired today,

but woke up with not so much emptiness.

There is hope and there is spirit even though how hard life can be.

But i dont understand the lack of empathy in people

that play with people on the edge of life.

It is really criminal.