The Art Of Saving A Life When Nobody Else Does

Today was a day i had to take in all my survival skills. It become a hard day. I suffer from fatigue of the medication i get and has a hard time in staying awake. It gives me a sense of meaningless in life. There is so much i want to do in the paradise i live in. I want to run by the beach, swim, go hiking, bicycle and walk. But i dont have energy to do it. I stay at home and have seriously hard hours. Today i was to the doctor at 11:00. It was my community doctor in the city. He was cold and did not respond to my mental problems. He said : " I am only in the charge of giving you physical treatment. " I explained my fatigue and said i had hard times surviving. He said i had to take all this with the psychiatric treatment team and the doctor there. But nobody there listens to me. They dont talk with spirit about meaning, presence in life and goals. I wrote all my nursing plan on my own because nobody else did it. And it should be done years ago. I dont understand all this. The doctor said : " Is it not therefore you are on forced treatment ? " " No " i said : " It is because i refuse to take medication. ". The doctor did not say more. I started to cry in despair, i was not so very upset. But i stood up for myself and said : " If the doctors dont save my life, who shall do it ? "

I did not get an answer from the doctor. He just sat down and said nothing.

I walked out crying and took a cigarette in the rainy weather and me and an assistant drove home. It was quiet in the car. I just said : " Why is it so hard to save a life, you should talk about hope and meaning. " I did not get so much wiser on her answers. Just that she was worried for me.

It can be so hard to show love to a human it seems like. I went home to the cats that took care of me. I went to sleep and the cats did not leave me.

And all the afternoon " Ted " has stayed together with me saving my life.

I have had some good phone calls and get courage to live on.

If it had not been for the cats i would not have existed.

They comfort me with love when nobody else does.

They save my life.