To Live Without Suffering Is Impossible

In the spring 2002 i got my first hospitalization.

I thought the whole world had gone mad, including me.

I was a newly educated nurse, and the most important thing ; a single mother to a son on seven years old. I was diagnosed with depression and stayed inside hospital for three weeks.

My son worried a lot for me, and was to see me nearly every day at the hospital.

We made it all a happy time for him. He got to play games with me and play in the hospitals gym.

I remember this as glory days, even though i was ill.

Good memories can come to you in suffering. It can create a whole new world, and bring you closer together with the people that loves you, and you learn to take in memories and happenings like they are sendt from heaven.

When I was signed out, me and my son took a car drive in our little red Nissan Sunny.

We used to do that a lot, and stop in a cafeteria to eat and drink.

They served my son hot chocolate especially made for him.

That day my life should change of my son. He sat in silence and wondered, as he often did. The bright blonde hair like an angel, and his healthy looks ( he is still very healthy ).

He saied to me like out of the blue :

" Mommy, it is not possible to live without passion and suffering. "

Just a simple sentence with a lot of wisdom. I took the words in my heart and never forgot them.

Today, many years later the words should save my life, with understanding the wisdom in my child.

I suffered a lot this morning. Headache of the medication, dizziness and stiff in my body.

The words got to me :

" it is not possible to live without passion and suffering. "

From a memory hidden in my heart.

I understood that i am now facing the real life.

And are now understanding more than ever, in the wisdom in my child.

My child was my wing mate during his childhood.

We worked for a better world, and still do.

I am writing childrens novels about trolls and one novel that is to understand what others do not understand.

But my son understood me, and i am not alone.

It gives me courage to fight for my life in a peaceful way.

You dont need to be 100 % all the time to be loved.

In a glimpse of understanding, that in all my suffering words from heaven in life found me again.

Willing to walk on.